Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in covbob's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, November 22nd, 2008
4:09 am	New journal Hi all, I have changed my blogging site of choice - I can now be found as covbob on www.insanejournal.com . This blog will remain open but will not be updated. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 14th, 2008
1:38 am	O hai, I posted Zomg, 9 months since my last post. We're getting ready to move out of this house now. In a few weeks we will be moving into what is currently HoDA in Stivichall. The ex-occupants are moving on in their various ways, finally scattering the members of Hogfather to the four winds. I'm now the proud owner of an 88" Series 3 Land Rover, diesel, 1979. Once I've ironed out a few problems she'll be fine. She's a lot of fun to drive and certainly turns heads wherever I go. Pendragon is now working for BGL Group Ltd as an admin assistant in their bike insurance place. I'm unemployed following being laid off by ITS and a disatrous stint at a small-time support firm. It's funny how life repeats itself. Reading the first entries in my blog, I used to spend all night awake, all day asleep. I used a Linux box for most things and IRC was my life. The other night I resurrected Albert after a year asleep, and use him as an IRC/surfing/pad box. It's just like old times. I've just been for a run. Hopefully I should get tired soon and sleep a bit. Tomorrow I shall blog about jobs and perhaps moofle about other randomness. Current Mood: lethargic (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 21st, 2007
10:06 am	At long last... Oh hai, I passed my driving test \o/ Current Mood: accomplished (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 14th, 2007
11:56 am	It's pouring... Wet rain is wet. This morning, I have mostly been sitting in at my desk being depressed. I've got little work to actually get on with, and given the current sucky results of my jobhunting I've no motivation to pursue that either. Seems I'm back to feeling flat all the time and unable to do much about it. I feel completely powerless. Having friends around me who clearly love their jobs and are getting on fine doesn't help much either. WTB new job plx. Anyone got suggestions for things to do to improve my mood? Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: Snoop Dogg (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, August 13th, 2007
3:54 pm	Trains fts I've just come back from Coventry railway station. I was meant to be getting a train to Warwick for an interview. However, due to Virgin Trains sucking, my train to Leamington was 45 minutes late, which meant I would have been unable to make it to Warwick on time. I gave up and walked home (and emailed the guys who were interviewing me out of politeness). The meeting in Nottingham yesterday went well. I have a long list of things to do so the wedding will go off smoothly. Also recruiters fts. I've been contacted by 6 in the last week. I've sent them the information they wanted and have heard... nothing. They've even starting spamming me with "jobs which may be of interest" which are not my specialism, geographical area or salary range. Why waste their time and annoy me? Seems counterproductive but maybe I'm missing something, Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: House in the background (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, August 11th, 2007
8:09 pm	First update in a while Livejournal tells me it's 8 weeks since I last updated. This makes it high time I actually wrote something. I'm still at ITS, still on a temporary contract and now actively jobhunting. It's been confirmed that my chances of a permenant job are nil until at least Christmas. IMHO this doesn't make it worth my while to stay. ITS have been good to me, given me a break when I needed it and moved me nicely into my current niche (networks) but I need to be paid market rates, gain some new skills and formal training, and have some chance of progression upwards. Sadly ITS aren't in a position to offer any of that right now. At the start of July Pendragon, Kibby and I moved into our new house on Mount Street, just around the corner from one of my regular drinking spots, the Nursery. It's a little tatty but we're working to clean it up, and Pendragon has done a fair bit to tidy up the (formerly overgrown) garden. Outside of work I'm currently working on a. organising lots of ringing between now and the end of year to commemorate the Centenary of the Coventry DG and b. working on Muffy (formerly Kev's, now my Suzuki SJ) to get her back on the road. If I remember I'll take some piccys so people can see what I'm up to. She's currently in James' garage in Smelly Poke. The list of things to do includes patching up holes caused by rust, welding on new cills, replacing the handbrake, replacing on wheel bearing and fiddling with the clutch. Then I can get on to having her taxed and MOT'd. It seems that what was looking like a fairly simple project is becoming a big sink of time and money. Finally, Pendragon and I are going up to Nottingham tomorrow as our parents meet each other for the first time to discuss wedding plans. With any luck what we want till predominate and we won;t come home too disillusioned and stressed. Watch this space. Current Mood: hot (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 14th, 2007
11:01 am	Addendum Just to clarify, my last post was *not* about the UWCS network. Thanks to the several people who have asked me about this. Current Mood: busy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, June 11th, 2007
11:40 pm	Hey, over here!!!1one So why do people on IRC tend to be arses? From an earlier convo on IRC, in a reasonably (but not overly) active channel in which I regularly lurk: [covbob] hi all Conversation carries on oblivious [covbob] *carries out random /mes in order to get a little attention* Conversation carries on oblivious And so it carries on regardless - it happens whenever I log in and whatever tack I try. At least two of the top five posters in the channel seem to have me on ignore. My question: why? I've never been anything but friendly and helpful in there. And now to bed. Current Mood: hot Current Music: Whirring fans and clicking keyboards (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 18th, 2007
8:31 am	Power cut So I went ringing at Allesley last night. It was all going well (with Pendragon ringing some pretty decent Plain Hunt on 8 - well done) until the lights went out. They stayed out from 8:30 until the end of practice. Luckily the emergency lighting worked well (which made the Tower Captain insanely happy). Funnily enough the ringing improved a little when the lights were off. The lights were still off at 9, so we went to the pub in the dark (and had to pay with exact money because the till was off). They stayed off for a while, so the barman brought out candles. The power came back on at about 10, but went off twice more during the evening. I preferred the power off, partly because it meant the TV was off (so we couldn't watch a rather disturbing drama with naked ladies and people cutting themselves) and consequently the conversation was better. Saw housemates this morning - they're away for the next 8 days, leaving only me, Kibby and Pendragon in the house \o/ Current Mood: thirsty Current Music: Some random stuff on the radio (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 1st, 2007
6:33 pm	Update This is an update. Hello, "anonymous." For your blogging convenience I have set comments from non-logged in users to be screened. If this causes you a problem, please drop me a (non-anonymised) line. I'm currently considering making any new posts friends only, so it's in your interest to be logged in. (Comment on this)
Friday, November 24th, 2006
2:29 pm	No more depresso I've just re-read last night's post. I think it's time to admit that something is seriously wrong. Those of you who know me know that I have had some fairly serious problems with depression and assorted mental health difficulties in the past. It would seem that these are now recurring, leading to incidents like my existential crisis last night. Last night's blog post is an example of me at my most depressed. Today I am applying to get help for these problems again. Hopefully I will be able to use this blog so people can track my progress out of these difficulties and back towards "normality." Please bear with my whilst I do so. Normal service should be resumed shortly. Current Mood: tired Current Music: None (1 Comment |Comment on this)
2:09 am	So what is the point? Apologies in advance that this is going to be another depresso post. It transpired today that I'm not one of the ten best ringers at the Cathedral. The Master has decided to invite others into some significant ringing about to take place, at a very significant and rare tower. Either he thinks I'm not up to the task and there are ten ringers better than me in Coventry (which I seriously doubt) or he's asking his friends from Sapcote in (which is bad form). Either way there's no bloody point me bothering ringing in Coventry any more. I've decided to pack in ringing around here. From now on, unless it's a quarter, peal or practice where I'll learn something, I'm not interested. I've had my fill of trying hard, teaching people and trying to bring bands on. None of it has proved in the least beneficial to me. I seem to have a mind of two parts. One half of if wants to help people, and cares desparately about them. It can't help but care. The other half remembers the times I've been betrayed and hurt. It's this side that's winning at the moment. Despite my efforts to be nice and help, I can't help wanting to hurt everyone, to make them bleed inside and feel betrayal. I want them to feel as empty and lonely as I do. That way I might take some satisfaction. This is the side of my mind I am going to pursue. This lead me on to thinking about God. For a long time I did my best to live well, do things for the right reasons, love God and live by a Christian ethic. I no longer see the point. I can't see how a god can logically exist: 1. If he has made anything, is omnipotent and omniscient, he must by definition be everywhere. If he is everywhere in three dimensions, he must logically be everywhere in four dimensions, and therefore be seeing what happens in every time and place. This means that he must have laws of physics (which include time in place) to govern how the universe behaves, and thus cannot intervene in human affairs. To do so would be to break physics and causality. Thus he must be an impotent god, unable to help us, and thus it is not worth paying him any attention. or 2. If god does intervene in human affairs, then he must do so on a whim. It is clear that he chooses not to interfere in all situations, as there is still evil and suffering in the world. There are still minds like mine, touched by madness. If a god decides to intervene in some situations but not all, he must either have favourites or a bad sense of humour to allow evil and suffering to continue and only intervene as the fancy takes him. I see no merit in serving such an evil god. or 3. Given the logical contradictions above, there is no god. "God" is simply an anthropomorphic projection of human emotions and a primitive need to feel something bigger than ourselves. In this modern, enlightened age, there is no need for such a feeling. I therefore conclude that there can not be a loving, omniscient, omnipotent god. I hereby declare myself an atheist. I look forward to my next 40 years or so, and will use them for my own pleasure. I will do as my mind dictates. After this is only death, and nothing more. My days of serving a "god" are over. Current Music: Genshkien (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 12th, 2006
12:51 am	Waste of time Well, I've been working for ITS for 2 months now. PlanarPlatypus has persuaded me to blog again. I'm standing for Compsoc Academic Officer at the EGM this Friday. If anyone has any tutorials, lectures, trips, etc they'd like planned, please leave a comment or email me on graham.hayward@gmail.com . I'll try to take all suggestions on board. If Polar wins, I'll pass them on to me. On the other hand, I wonder why I bother. To be honest, life is completely shit at the moment. I walked into DCS the other night with Morlark, and found a number of ex (and current)-exec planning a LUG mutiny. They didn't even bother acknowledging Morlark's presence or putting their proposals to him. Why am I standing to help such people? Work sucks too. I spend all day pointing nubs to the printer, resetting their passwords, answering their banal questions etc. Without any technical qualifications or a degree I'm pretty much doomed to this job for the rest of my life. Without realising it, Pendragon has removed my chances of making something of myself. What's even worse is that I can't leave my work at work - I keep spending my evenings doing tech support or listening to bitching about ITS (mostly about things I can't fix), and all I get for my trouble is to be labelled a troll or an alcoholic by people who don't want to spend the time or effort to get to know me. To be honest I wonder what the point of life is. At the moment I plan to see Pendragon through her MA and then try again what I tried at 19. Hopefully this time I'll succeed and won't be condemned to this life of banality. Current Mood: what's the bloody point? Current Music: The closing credits of Genshiken 9 (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 6th, 2006
12:55 am	Less whiny post Spent all day playing WoW again today, with the exception of cycling over to Stoke to ring at a wedding. I'm getting really bored of grinding levels out now. I just want the last 3 to come quickly so I can pack it in and do something more fun and less painful. Like eating broken glass. Had a day alone as everyone was out fetching a fridge and a freezer. We now have two really huge-ass appliances in the middle of the kitchen. If it means that I can drink milk without lumps in, this is a good thing. Heard from Mum and Dad today. They're on holiday in Cornwall and really wishing I could join them. Not quite enough to pay my train fare, though. Hearing from them just makes me feel lonely and depressed (a state that is becoming increasingly common - do hope the depression isn't coming back). I was down enough to drink the Teachers sitting in our cupboard. Yuck. I'm sure that with only seeing Rosemary twice more this year the situation will only become worse. So, ideas for fun and cheap things to do please. Let's not make bellringing one of them. Current Mood: lonely Current Music: WoW Silithus music (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, August 5th, 2006
3:59 am	WoW weekend Apologies for not posting here more regularly. Now my blog is featured on planet.uwcs.co.uk I hope to post more often. Well, my new job begins in 10 days or so - helpdesk work for Warwick Uni ITS. This is a good thing as a. I'll have cashmonies and b. it's an excuse to stay around Coventry (and Warwick in particular). I suppose I'll feel the need to post the obligatory Compsoc whine soon. I've spent most of the last couple of weeks playing WoW, and am almost level 60. A 35-hour levelling run earlier in the week put 3 levels on and completely shafted my sleep patterns. WoW seems to be taking over my life, to the exclusion of ringing, being sociable, going to church or Meeting... the list goes on. Hopefully work will put a stop to this. Having said that, my last job involved 6am starts and I was usually up until 2am playing... There was some discussion this evening on #compsoc about about how to make lans great again. I don't have the catch-all answer, but I'm guessing that banning WoW isn't the way. Perhaps a sensible policy on downloading Linux ISOs and making things easier for those wanting to play online might make them more amenable to taking part in whatever is organised, rather than getting them annoyed by lag. Perhaps actually remembering why things are done the way they are and not thinking that as a fresher you have all the answers might also help keep older gamers onside (cf Morlark's blog). Unfortunately the Warwick attitude of "if they're not a member of the SU they're not a member of Compsoc" seems to prevail, which is small-minded and smacks of inexperience. Boy, the new exec are going to have fun when certain people return from intercollated years and start flexing their muscles. It should make fun viewing. Oh, wait.. that whine post was sooner than expected. Oh well. That's enough flaming for now. Up next: why people shouldn't stigmatise me for who I choose to live with. Current Mood: drained Current Music: Tubular Bells - Mike Oldfield (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 30th, 2006
1:04 am	Belated Soton entry Three weeks ago I went to visit flurble in Southampton. Got the train down on Sat morning at 7:30 (diverted via Guildford to add time to the journey) and arrived about 11:30 to find flurble waiting for me.... with a Sladen! \o/ (Side rant: why do Virgin put all of the reserved seats together in one carriage? On our service, this had the effect of packing those of us who had reserved in reallu tightly, whilst the rest of the train was empty. And there was a pillar instead of a window next to my seat. And I had to listen to Brummies. And my grammar just died. *sulk*) Back to flurble's for food (on cycles, trying to follow flurble and Sladen through the traffic without dying, and then over the Itchen Bridge without collapsing), then IRC and sleep, and then a walk along the river. In fact, this pattern was repeated throughout the weekend... Sunday morning was ringing at Bitterne Park (with trebles up wrong) and St Michaels. I had a fun conversation with MBP as he gradually worked out who I was, and it finally dawned on him :) (the usual "oh, *you're* GRH! well I never!"). We went to Meeting (during which I nearly dropped off to sleep), and then to a "Quiz a Quaker" session with lunch (and notes taken by flurble). Oh, btw: flurble has a funky ringtone. I was drafted in to ring in a quarter at Lodge Road in the evening, so after more food we cycled over there. By this time I could almost see the pounds dropping from my tummy :) Lodge Road is an attractive modern church with a pleasant light 6 - rather like Clifton HT. Cambridge Minor was duly scored (with last-minute substitution) and then back to flurble's for more food and IRC. Evening came and morning came, and it was a new day. Monday dawned grey and dull, and I had to leave and return to Cov. Sladen kindly escorted me to the station, and I caught the train back (this time no diversion), once more squashed in with three others at a table. Grr, Virgin--, although I did get to Soton and back on £29. I was ready to collapse into Pendragon's arms, though, and then off to the pub for the Pirate Alphabet with Morlark and Faux. Yarr! Thanks, flurble! You rock! Can we do that again some time? Current Mood: hot Current Music: Ozone - Dragoste din tei (Comment on this)
Monday, May 1st, 2006
8:47 pm	YFGM (with apologies to flurble for borrowing her memes) # Here I stand, beside St Julian's tower ... I've been to Norwich for YFGM. Was good - not big and scary like I imagined. Lots of laughter, hugs, smiling, friendships, sympathy, silent contemplation.... I now feel much more at ease with Quakerism. We visited St Julian's church, with the recreation of the cell. We sat silently in the cell, and then as we drifted out in ones and twos into the church, all sat down in silence, spontaneously, like an impromptu Meeting for Worship. Went to the pub in the evening and talked with Friends, trying to discern some way forward. I've given myself up to the future - worrying about it won't help, and there's more to a definition of life than salary alone. Will I be happer, more secure? We'll see. # Ring out bells of Norwich ... Grabbed Mancroft, St Giles-on-the-Hill and Colegate. Colegate were on the front of the first Ringing World I read - the one with my first quarter in. Wandered around Norwich and took in the atmosphere of the place. # All will be well again, I know ... So here I am, after it's all finished. My task now is to keep the joy, the fellowship, the peace near me when the bad times come. To not worry about the future. To try to discern what's the right way forward quietly and slowly. Suddenly, the future doesn't seem as bad as it once did. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Mike Oldfield - Tubular Bells 1 (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, April 28th, 2006
2:03 am	Reflective wibble Do I really know myself? I mused. I've come to the conclusion that I don't. I can't predict what I'll do in a given situation. I can't predict what I'll do until I can see a situation coming, which usually means being drawn on into despair. Do I really love her? I wondered. I really don't know. What do I want from a relationship? Why do I keep looking for reasons to end things? What I really want to do is run away, make a fresh start But deep down I know it won't work. I've run away from my problems before, and I know they're within me. I'll take them everywhere, be it here or Coventry. It's not where you are that matters, but the intensity of your presence there So what now for me? I have YFGM this weekend. Time to think, to be away from stupid people and people who don't care and childish people. Time to reconcile my to God, or to loose myself from that concept. Is the Quaker way to scorn organised religion, and in doing that perhaps scorn a view of God? I don't know. I'm on the track to insanity. You heard it here first. Watch my downward slide and wonder. Current Mood: tired Current Music: The Doors - I Can't See Your Face In My Mind (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, February 13th, 2006
11:52 pm	Wireless working WE now have the magic of wireless internet working. Ysabell has a USB wireless adaptor and albert is patched into her. This means that I can use IRC and WoW at the same time! Yesterday, I watched six episodes of Babylon 5. And I'm going to post here more often, to make Flurble happt :) Current Mood: geeky Current Music: Mike Oldfield - Tubular Bells I (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, February 10th, 2006
12:08 am	Long time no post Well, I'm back in Nottingham. The short story is that murphy was kicked out of our house, and I followed him. I'm also finally seeing a counsellor type at the surgery. I have another appointment tomorrow. And I'm finally on some pills (though they're having fun side-effects, like knocking me out). And I've applied for uni again. Perhaps if I'm better I'll be able to pass a degree course. Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: XP box humming (Comment on this)